Are Your People-Pleasing Tendencies Getting in the Way of Leading?

Leadership requires balance—between being approachable and setting boundaries, between collaboration and decisiveness, and between empathy and accountability. But for leaders with people-pleasing tendencies, this balance can be difficult to maintain. The desire to keep everyone happy can undermine your ability to make tough decisions, hold others accountable, and drive necessary change.

If you’re unsure whether people-pleasing is affecting your leadership, here are key signs to watch for—and strategies to attain a balance that leverages your empathy and strengths while also leading effectively.

1. You Avoid Difficult Conversations

One of the clearest indicators of people-pleasing in leadership is a reluctance to address problems head-on. Do you hesitate to give constructive feedback because you don’t want to upset someone? Do you find yourself sugarcoating issues or hoping problems will resolve themselves? Avoiding hard conversations may keep the peace temporarily, but it ultimately erodes trust, stunts growth, and allows dysfunction to persist.

Strategy: Reframe difficult conversations as opportunities for growth. Approach them with curiosity and focus on how feedback helps the individual and the team succeed. Practicing balancing care for the individual with being direct will strengthen your leadership. Remember: clear is kind.

2. You Struggle to Say No

Do you frequently take on additional responsibilities, even when your plate is already full? Do you accommodate last-minute requests at the expense of your own priorities? Leaders who struggle to say no often end up overcommitted and burned out, leaving little time for strategic thinking or high-impact work.

Strategy: Recognize that saying no isn’t selfish—it’s the boundary that protects your deepest commitments. Get clear on what priorities and boundaries you need this week, this month, before someone asks you to do something. Examine your top three priorities and then identify what “no’s” you need in place to give you the space to achieve those goals. Practice responding with statements like, “I’d love to help, but I need to focus on X right now.” Or offer a choice: “I can do X or Y this week. What’s most important?”  Protecting your time enables you to be a more effective leader.

3. You Seek Consensus at the Expense of Progress

While collaboration is crucial, people-pleasing leaders may delay decisions to ensure everyone is happy. If you find yourself waiting for unanimous agreement or over-accommodating every opinion, you risk stagnation and inefficiency.

Strategy: Aim for alignment, not universal agreement. Encourage discussion but be prepared to make decisions even when some team members disagree. Communicate the reasoning behind your choices and emphasize shared goals to keep momentum going. Remember: People do not have a need to have their way; they have a need to be heard and for their way to be considered.

4. You Take Responsibility for Others’ Emotions

Empathy is a strength, but if you constantly absorb other people’s stress, disappointment, or frustration, it can weigh you down and cloud your judgment. If you find yourself over-explaining, apologizing unnecessarily, or trying to “fix” people’s feelings, you may be taking on emotional burdens that aren’t yours to carry.

Strategy: Recognize that you are responsible for your actions, not for how others feel about them. Offer support, but allow your team members to process their own emotions and work through challenges independently.

5. You Avoid Enforcing Accountability

People-pleasing leaders often struggle to hold team members accountable for fear of being seen as harsh or unkind. This can lead to inconsistent standards, missed deadlines, and resentment from high performers who feel they are picking up the slack.

Strategy: Shift your mindset—accountability isn’t about punishment; it’s about ensuring fairness and maintaining trust. Clearly define expectations and follow through consistently. Strong teams thrive on accountability, not avoidance.

Growth is Possible

If you've tried to make these changes but aren't gaining traction—or you're just not sure where to start—you’re not alone. Changing a people-pleasing pattern isn’t easy, but it is possible. I'll dive deeper into this in another blog, but at its core, people-pleasing is a safety strategy that often develops early in childhood. Coaching can help. If you think a 45-minute conversation might be helpful, let’s talk. We can explore where you are now and map out a plan to lean into your interpersonal and empathetic strengths while also developing the skills to say no, set effective boundaries, and deliver direct, kind feedback.