Relationships During COVID

How do relationships develop? If we are too intentional in a relationship, does that make a relationship inauthentic? What is the risk someone might feel “used”? How do we balance this with the need to build relationships to be effective in work and life?

Before the pandemic, many of us nurtured our relationships by running into each other in the kitchen, chatting while we waited for others to arrive at a meeting, an unexpected conversation in the hallway. The meetings all took place organically as we went about our work. It was easy. It felt natural. We didn’t have to think about it.

While our current social distance is requiring higher degrees of intentionality that we needed before, I believe that it is highlighting what has always been true: effective leaders are intentional about their relationships. They think about whom they’re connecting with and how. They monitor and respond to the emotional temperature in their teams. Influence, buy-in and follow through are predicated on relationship and making a connection with someone. The quality of our relationships cannot be separated from our effectiveness. Each feeds the other.

The virus is unlikely to abate soon, so what can you do about the impact of social distancing on your business relationships? Two things: embrace the need for intention and then plan.

Embrace intention

Intentionally cultivating relationships strikes some as disingenuous. It’s almost as if they perceive the business relationship to be inauthentic and one-sided. Or the limiting belief that building relationships and emotional connection are not a core part of a leader’s work. Truthfully, in business, we all benefit from broad networks and strong relationships. Leaders also set the emotional temperature of an organization. By connecting with each other, we support give and receive support each other through difficult times. In fact, I would argue that further up the ladder one climbs, the more important relationships become.

Plan Your Touch Points

You may also be thinking that you don’t have time. Most of my coaching clients are feeling so pinched for time and like work is bleeding into everything that they have lost the luxury of connection. The irony is that a positive and connected emotional work client actually fuels collaboration and problem solving, boosts morale, and helps us all deal with the increased stress. I would venture that you don’t NOT have the time!

Here are a few ways to increase your touch points:

·        Take a few minutes as you start every team meeting to check in. Get everyone’s voice in the room. And maybe ask a fun, non-work related question. A couple I have used that caused lots of laughter and got people talking are 1) as a child, what did you want to be when you grew up, and 2) what is your favorite way to eat a potato? These are quick questions that build connection and boost the mood by adding laughter. (I can tell you about the time when a workshop participant said he wanted to be a hit man!)

·        Turn your video on when meeting on web-based platforms. In talking with my coaching clients, I came to realize that many leaders were allowing their team members to keep their videos off. Seeing a collection of black squares with names increases our sense of disconnection. While it’s not quite face-to-face, seeing each other connects each other as a team and gives us a deeper appreciation of the other’s experiences.

·        Share a cup of coffee or tea for a regularly scheduled meeting. Before we all retreated to our home offices, we regularly met for coffee. Suggest that you share a drink. Ask the other person what he or she prefers and why. My English grandparents could not comprehend how I drink coffee! The shared experience, a bit of personal connection, and the warm cup all helps to shift the environment and build relationship and connection.

You can also get creative. I was talking with a high performing, people-first leader a few weeks ago who sent every member of his senior leadership team a box with a martini glass, and the makings for a martini, right down to the olive. Though they were across the country, they all shared a common experience that felt special. Maybe sending alcohol to your team members is not appropriate. But what else can you do to create a fun, shared experience that builds connections and memories?

Since Covid, it’s clear that effective leaders are thinking carefully and strategically about relationships with bosses, clients, peers and direct reports. If we want time with someone, we need to plan it. We need to be intentional and proactive. By accepting the need for intention and taking a few minutes to plan two or three actions you can take over the next week, you may be surprised. It doesn’t have to be hard, awkward, or become a time sink. In fact, it may just enable you and your team to be more productive during this chaotic, stressful time.